


we cannot be friends (cannot pretend that it makes sense)

by Drhair76



Series: Forbidden Friends and Romantic Flights [1]
Category: Big Hero 6 (2014), Brave (2012), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), Rise of the Guardians (2012), Tangled (2010)
Genre: Dog Toothless (How to Train Your Dragon), F/M, Gen, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Merida (Disney) Friendship, Hiccup is a catch and a half, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I kinda popped off here, Jealous Astrid Hofferson, Lesbian Merida (Disney), Mutual Pining, YALL., also she has supportive parents, and i brought hiccstrid with me, i'm here, idc fight me, merida is the BEST bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21840574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drhair76/pseuds/Drhair76
Summary: Astrid’s eyebrows went up and a small wrinkle of distress appeared in her forehead. “Girlfriend?”Hiccup shifted nervously. “Uh- yeah. Girlfriend. Me and Merida are dating.”Astrid frowned, looking at him a bit closer. “It’s Merida and I.” She corrected absently.“Oh.”or, Merida and Hiccup manage to date for almost a week before Hiccup caves. (The Fake-dating au that no one asked for)
Relationships: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Fishlegs Ingerman, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Merida (Disney), Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III & Snotlout Jorgenson, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson
Series: Forbidden Friends and Romantic Flights [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1573594
Comments: 5
Kudos: 56





	we cannot be friends (cannot pretend that it makes sense)

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a lyric from Haim's Now I'm In It

“We should date.” 

Merida can physically see the moment her statement is taken the wrong way. Hiccup’s shoulders tense and he swivels around in his spiny chair so she can see the wide-eyed panicked look she accidently put on his face. 

“Mer, I- Have you not been listening to me rant the last twenty minutes about how I’m literally in love with Astrid?” 

Merida rolled her eyes and shifted so she was sitting up. It was clear she was going to have to explain herself because Hiccup’s face was getting redder than her hair and the more time he spent being confused, the less likely he was to go along with her brilliant plan. 

“No Haddock, I know you’re completely gone on her, just the same as you know I’m not into you.” She said pointedly. Hiccup blinked once before making an _‘oh-right’_ face. 

Merida decides not to be offended about it since she only came out to him two weeks ago but really- does any part of her _not_ scream lesbian? 

“Okay,” Hiccup says slowly, stretching the word out in that way he did when he was still thinking about what he wanted to say next. “So, you want to ‘date’ me-” 

“ _Pretend date._ ” Merida cuts in. The distinction is important. “Pretend.” 

“Right, right.” Hiccup nods. “Pretend date. You want to pretend date me, why?” 

Merida sighs because she didn’t really want to go into it, but she guesses she owes it to Hiccup. Plus, they’re like close friends now. Rapunzel has been telling her that close friends are supposedly able to be trusted with things. Hence her coming out to Hiccup two weeks ago. 

“Well, you’ve met my mom.” Merida shrugged and to her amusement Hiccup nods furiously. “I’m sure that’s all I really need to say.” 

“Yep, say no more.” 

“And,” Merida adds, because of course Hiccup’s selfless ass would agree before hearing how this would benefit him- “It could help you with Astrid.” 

Just as she predicted, he perked up. “Really? How?” 

“A little jealousy never hurt to get someone interested.” 

Hiccup’s expression turned thoughtful for a second. “But what about all the-” He makes a face, “-relationship stuff?” 

“Well, I don’t want to kiss you and you don’t want to kiss me and if anyone wants us to, I’ll shoot them with an arrow.” 

Hiccup thought about it for a second more before nodding. 

“Okay, I’m down.” 

… 

Dating Merida was underwhelming. 

Which was pretty lucky for him, if he had to admit. If he had to fake date- say, Ruffnut- his life would be so much more complicated and painful. All Merida really needed to sell the lie to her parents were a couple Instagram posts, a family dinner and new contact name. 

_“You should change it to red-head beauty.” Merida snorted._

_Hiccup shoved her a little. “Only if you change mine to Hiccup the Hunk.”_

He walked her to her classes, went to her games and hugged her whenever he saw her. In return, she held his hand at lunch, walked Toothless with him and scheduled homework ‘dates’ more often. 

All in all, nothing in their friendship changed much, they just got a bit cuddlier and didn’t deny the fact that they were dating when people asked. 

Hiccup was worried that no one except for Merida’s parents would notice until Snotlout found him in the hallway and threw an arm over his shoulder. 

“Hiccup! Cuz, what is the _deal_ with you and the Scottish beauty?” He asked loudly. Hiccup stumbled a bit, almost dropping his goddamn textbooks on his prosthetic, but he steadied himself at the last second. “I mean, are you guys ‘doing the do’ or are you _doing_ the do?” 

Hiccup side eyed him. “Does anything you say make any sense?” 

“It makes sense if you’re doing the do.” Snotlout smirked. 

"Snotlout, get off him.” 

Hiccup stiffened and Snotlout immediately moved his arm and turned, fixing a big smile onto his face. Hiccup was about to attempt to book it down the hallway to his fourth period class but Snotlout grabbed him and spun him around, so he was face-to-face with Astrid. 

“Aw, come on Astrid,” Snotlout whined. “Don’t you want to know what’s going on between our boy and the Scottish princess?” 

Astrid’s annoyed look melted into a slightly curious look and suddenly Hiccup wished he wasn’t pretend dating Merida so he wouldn’t have to lie right to Astrid’s face. Instead of answering, he shoves Snotlout and frowns. 

“Don’t talk about her that way.” 

Snotlout raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh, I can’t talk bad about your girlfriend?” 

“No.” 

Astrid’s eyebrows went up and a small wrinkle of distress appeared in her forehead. “Girlfriend?” 

Hiccup shifted nervously. “Uh- yeah. Girlfriend. Me and Merida are dating.” 

Astrid frowned, looking at him a bit closer. “It’s Merida and I.” She corrected absently. 

“Oh.” 

Hiccup took a step back, his face feeling like it was on fire and Snotlout, who looked like he was about to say something, closed his mouth with a click. He was _also_ looking at Hiccup like something was wrong. Hiccup exhaled and forced an embarrassed smile. 

“Ah, well, yeah, I’ve got to-” He gestured down the hall before hurrying to class, leaving Astrid and Snotlout staring after him. 

… 

Merida was actually _doing_ homework for once when Hiccup burst into her dorm and face planted onto her bed. Like, he just left his bag on and everything. Just a full face-plant right into her covers. 

“You just missed Raps,” She commented casually. “She was heading down to get coffee, you’d better text her your order if you want something.” 

He mumbled something unintelligible into her navy-blue blanket and Merida raised an eyebrow. 

“Huh?” 

“I said- I'm staying here for the rest of my life.” 

Merida turned away from her American History textbook to properly look at Hiccup’s flushed face. “You can’t do that. People will think I killed you or something.” 

“Let them.” He groaned, dropping his face back into the bed. 

Merida rolled her eyes at his dramatics and stood. She walked over to the bed and pushed his shoulder. 

“Shove over. if I’m going to have an emotional talk with you, I’m going to be comfortable while it happens.” 

Hiccup obediently moves over, keeping his face hidden from her. 

“You know, this is Jack-levels of theatrics.” She comments, sitting down next to his head. “What happened? Did you tell someone that we actually aren’t dating?” 

She keeps her voice steady while she says it, but it makes her _so_ incredibly nervous. If Hiccup let it spill to someone that wasn’t trustworthy, the whole thing would fall apart, and she’d have to tell her parents the truth. 

She’d have to do it _eventually,_ but she was hoping to be able to settle into it for a little bit before needing to. 

“No.” He mumbled. “You’re good.” 

Merida internally whooshed a breath of relief. “Okay, what about you? Why aren’t _we_ good?” 

Hiccup is quiet for a second. Just before Merida worries that he managed to suffocate himself in her bedsheets, he sits up. He’s still folded in on himself and looks like he got ran over by a train, but at least Merida can see his face. 

“I just- I didn’t think it would be this hard to lie to her.” He says softly. “If there’s some minuscule chance that she could like me back I don’t want the start of our relationship to be based in lies.” 

Merida can actually feel her heart softening. Gods, if she had to be in love with someone from the male population, it’d be Hiccup. He was quite possibly the sweetest, most honest person she knew. _Ever._

If Astrid didn’t like him back, Merida was going to beat her up. 

“Well, if you don’t want to do this anymore, we could break up.” She offered. 

Hiccup frowned. “No. I couldn’t- no.” 

“Why not?” 

“Your _mom_ Merida.” He sighed. “I don’t want you to have to tell her something you aren’t ready to. It’s fine, really, I’ll just- I'll avoid Astrid as much as I can.” 

Merida wanted to mention that if Hiccup avoids Astrid then he isn’t actually getting anything out of their deal, but his face held that determined quality to it that remined her of when he managed to convince their university to allow service animals on campus. 

A determined Hiccup was not going to be persuaded. 

By anyone. 

“Alright,” She said reluctantly. “Come on, let’s go walk Toothless and meet Rapunzel on her way back. I’ll text Jack and tell him to come to the park. Maybe that will cheer you up a little.” 

… 

Avoiding Astrid was a lot harder than Hiccup thought it would be. 

He didn’t realize just how much he talked to her or saw her in his classes or how his first instinct when something would happen would be to call her. 

“I think you just need to come to debate.” Fishlegs offered, completely breaking Hiccup out of his thoughts. 

“Debate?” Hiccup repeated incredulously. 

“Yeah, debate!” Fishlegs grinned. “I’ve been talking to your dad and-” 

“You’ve been talking to my dad?” 

“-he thinks you’d be amazing at it!” 

“No, I’m positive I wouldn’t.” 

Fishlegs gives him a look. “I’m pretty sure you would.” 

“No, I really wouldn’t.” Hiccup frowned. “I hate confrontation, I have social anxiety and I’m only knowledgeable about four things- I cannot be in debate.” 

Fishlegs’s expression turned smug as if Hiccup just proved himself capable and Hiccup rolled his eyes. 

“Oh for- you know what I mean!” 

Fishlegs shrugged. “I don’t know Hiccup; it would definitely help with whatever you’re going through.” Then he frowned. “Besides, I’m tired of losing debates about technology to Hiro.” 

“What? What do you mean?” Hiccup asked, a panicked lilt to his voice. 

He sighed. “Well, there’s this kid-genius and he’s so good at everything that has to do with tech-” 

“No, I mean about what’s going on with me?” 

Fishlegs paused and got that look on his face like he didn’t really know how to phrase what he was going to say next. “Um- well, you just seem- different.” 

Hiccup paused. “Different?” 

“Yeah. Different.” Then Fishlegs leaned closer, his eyes turning sympathetic. “Hiccup, you know you can tell me anything right?” 

“I-” 

“Dudes!” Tuffnut cut in, throwing his stuff down onto the library table, making a group of girls shoot a dirty look at them. “Did you know we had a chemistry test tomorrow? Cause I sure didn’t!” 

Fishlegs sighed heavily like he was a burdened mother and grabbed his own binder out of his bag. “Anyway, Hiccup, long story short, join debate. Help me argue this freshman into submission.” 

… 

It’s just Hiccup’s luck that Astrid was sitting in on Merida’s swim practice. 

He’d been doing so well; purposefully partnering with Snotlout so he didn’t have to talk to Astrid, taking Toothless on walks away from their usual route so he wouldn’t intersect Astrid’s jogging path. He even went to help Rapunzel do sets for theater, so he’d have a reason to miss Astrid’s coffee date. 

But, of course, as soon as he walked into the spectator section to pretend to watch Merida swim, he could see Astrid already sitting there. And he knew she wasn’t there to watch her swim. 

“Oh shit, I forgot I needed to-” 

“Sit down Haddock.” She said firmly. Hiccup flinched and he would’ve made a run for it, if not for the slight waver in her voice. 

Hiccup walked over stiffly and sat down next to her. Neither of them looked at each other or talked for a moment, both pretending to watch as the swimmers stretched before starting warmups. 

“Are you happy?” She asked finally, keeping her eyes glued on the coach. 

Hiccup faltered. He could see the way her fists were clenched in her hoodie pockets. 

He wanted to reach for them. 

“What do you mean?” 

Astrid turned her head to look at him and Hiccup held his breath. He could still do it; run out of here. All he would have to do is drop out of the classes they shared and change his phone number and name and face and- 

“Are you happy with Merida?” She asked again, quieter, as if she didn’t want to know the answer. “Does she make you happy?” 

What could Hiccup say to that? 

Was it happiness when he thought about going to Astrid’s practices instead of Merida’s? Was it happiness when he’d imagine holding Astrid’s hand instead of Merida’s? Was it happiness when he was spending every available moment trying to figure out how to avoid the one person he wanted to spend the most time with? 

Was he happy? 

“Yes.” He answered finally. “She makes me happy.” 

Because she did. Merida was one of Hiccup’s closest friends. They did homework together and made fun of baking shows and argued about whether Hiccup should dye his hair. They messed with Jack and she allowed him to paint her nails and he allowed her to sleep in his hoodie. 

She _did_ make him happy. 

Astrid continued to study him as if she couldn’t believe him. “Completely happy?” 

And this time, Hiccup’s frown came too quick to stop. 

“She doesn’t.” Astrid answered, something unreadable in her tone. 

There was another silence in which Hiccup half panicked about what to say to Merida and what Astrid might be thinking and how he could get out of this mess when Astrid leaned over and pressed the briefest of kisses to Hiccup’s lips. 

She immediately pulled away, her cheeks flaming red. 

“As- _What?_ ” Hiccup spluttered. “I’m sorry, _what?”_

Astrid shifted like _she_ was the one who was ready to run so Hiccup reached forward and grabbed her hands. Her eyes widened and to keep from having to look her in the face, Hiccup kept his eyes on their hands. 

“No, I mean, I liked it. That was- it was nice. But _why?”_

Astrid paused. Slowly her palms turned up, so they were holding hands. 

“I- I like you Hiccup.” She admitted softly and it’s the softest Hiccup’s ever heard her. “I know that you’re dating Merida and all and I definitely shouldn’t have kissed you but- I just- I really like you. A lot. And it’s dumb but Ruffnut told me that the first step to getting over a guy is to accept rejection.” Then she squared her shoulders and lifted her head, unconsciously tightening her hold on his hands. “So, go ahead- reject me.” 

Hiccup...well, Hiccup’s brain was just about entirely fried. 

The girl he liked just told him that she likes him, but he can’t tell her that he likes her too because he supposed to be dating someone else. 

Also, Astrid apparently gets dating advice from _Ruffnut_ \- the world is a weird place. 

“I- I can’t.” Hiccup winces. 

Astrid’s determined expression cracks and she grits her teeth. “What?” Her voice is hoarse and hurt. “Hiccup. Now’s not the time to be the nice guy! I need you. I- I need you to do this for me.” 

Hiccup squeezes Astrid’s hands and closes his eyes in pain. “Astrid,” he whispers, “I can’t.” 

“Wha-” Now she’s purely confused. “What do you mean? What’s wrong?” 

Hiccup opens his eyes to see her concerned sky-blue eyes looking into his. He takes a shuddery breath and pulls Astrid’s hand up to his face and kisses the back of it. 

Astrid inhales sharply. 

“Astrid,” Hiccup repeats, tears beginning to blur his vision, “I _can’t._ ” 

“You-” 

“Yeah.” 

Astrid’s shoulders drop and she leans forward. But instead of kissing him, she pressed her forehead against his. He can smell the spearmint gum she must’ve been chewing earlier. 

“Hiccup, I wish-” 

Hiccup’s eyes close. “Yeah, me too.” Then he pulls away. Astrid’s eyes snap open to watch him. “I can’t. But I _could._ ” 

“Hiccup, you shouldn’t-” 

“No, you don’t understand! I _c_ _an._ I mean, I can’t explain why but- _”_ Hiccup laughs a little and Astrid sort of looks at him like he’s insane, but he doesn’t care. That complete happiness fills him up and he leans forward and, gently holding her cheek, kisses her for real. 

Astrid immediately melts into it and Hiccup was right, she had been chewing spearmint. 

Gods, it’s his new favorite gum. 

He pulls away, ignoring the little part of himself that tells him to keep kissing her. “Astrid, meet me at my room tomorrow? I swear I’ll explain everything.” 

She looks dubious but her cheeks were pink, and she was leaning in to kiss him again. “Alright.” 

… 

It goes like this: 

“Merida.” 

“Yeah?” 

“Astrid kissed me.” 

A thud. “Holy fucking shit dude!” 

“I know!” 

“Hiccup!” 

“I _know!_ ” 

“Hiccup, oh my God, I’m breaking up with you!” 

He smiles all silly, like a lovesick fool. “Yeah?” 

“Hell yeah!” Merida cheers. “Go get your girl!” 

… 

It goes like this: 

“Mom? Dad? Can I talk to you?” 

“Of course, sweetheart.” 

“Well, I just- I've done a lot of thinking and figuring myself out and I need to tell you because this is important to me.” 

“Sounds serious lass, what’s wrong?” 

“I- I’m gay.” 

Silence. 

“I only like girls.” She clarifies nervously. 

More silence. 

“Ah. Can I still fight a girl if she breaks your heart?” 

_“Fergus!”_

Merida snorts. “Sure dad.” 

“There will be nothing of the sort! Merida, we love you very much and that includes who you decide to love.” 

“Aye, she’s right. Though I very much liked that Hiccup boy.” 

… 

It goes like this: 

“Hey Haddock.” 

“Astrid,” He pressed a kiss to her cheek. “you ready?” 

“Oh, you’re not avoiding me now huh?” She grins, gently nudging him. 

“As if I could.” 

Toothless barks and yanks on his leash. Astrid reaches down to pet him with a soft smile. 

“Alright, alright, bud, let’s go. Besides, now I have to avoid Fishlegs.” 

“We better go then; debate starts in twenty minutes.” 

Hiccup grins and they hold hands as they rush out. 

**Author's Note:**

> you guys don't deserve this trash but this is what you get for stanning an idiot :D


End file.
